Regardless of the specific feline qualities that endear a particular cat to a particular person, human-feline relationships can be relatively intense. And because the more intense the relationship, the greater the pet’s sense of loss when separated from that person, it’s important to understand why and how this occurs.
In spite of the fact that many domestic cats can and do form quite complex social relationships with others, this doesn’t erase the fact that their physiology and behavior reflects the successful evolution of a small, solitary, nocturnal predator over thousands and thousands of years. Although we may choose to deny the presence of those roots for our own purposes, they nonetheless can and do affect how cats relate to us. Unlike social animals like wild dogs and wolves whose youngsters can count on the presence of supportive pack members throughout most their lives, small wildcat kittens must learn everything they need to survive before their mothers wean them. Whereas a collection of adults normally contributes to the care and education of wild dog and wolf pups, usually only the kittens’ mother performs these functions for them.
Because of this, kittens often come into our lives with a combination of seemingly insatiable curiosity and a desire to learn. Second, like their wild ancestors and cousins, the lessons they learn when young tend to be deeply entrenched and resistant to change. Confronted with this high-energy, fur-covered learning machine we, in turn, may come up with all kinds of games and rituals to channel all this potential, if for no other reason than to keep them from getting into trouble and/or driving us mad.
Unfortunately, while it’s almost a given that a pup will receive at least some kind of basic training and go on daily walks and car rides that serve to build the animal’s confidence, many times we don’t give building our house-bound feline friend’s confidence a second-thought.
Instead, we may become so captivated by this little ball of fur who finds so much of what we do so fascinating that it’s sometimes difficult not to yield to the temptation to create a little world that includes just the two of us.
For example, deliberately or unwittingly, some owners create relatively complex feeding rituals with their cats. Not only do these involve what they feed their pets, but how, when, and where. Although these may work very well for both owner and cat alike, what happens when that person is no longer around? Who will cut up Sergei’s food into the tiniest little pieces, warm them in the microwave just so, and serve them to him on his special plate placed in that special spot on the kitchen counter? If he’s lucky, his owner will have ensured that someone would do exactly that in her absence. If she didn’t, it may take his new owner months to figure out that the cat’s poor appetite results from how or where he’s being fed rather than what. If his new owner doesn’t, Sergei may never feel completely comfortable when he eats.
Other times cats suffer more when owner loss occurs because all their play was owner-dependent. Because Sparkle always played with her owner, she never gained the confidence-building and comfort that comes from learning to play by herself. When separated from that person, she had no way to comfort or amuse herself Worse, her future happiness may depend on her new owner’s willingness to duplicate the games she used to play with her owner. If her original owner didn’t make provisions for her that included describing any play rituals for a new or surviving owner, Sparkle will need to adjust to this as well as everything else.
When owners fail to make provisions, those who adopt or inherit their cats may need to figure out the cat’s needs by trial-and-error. And this takes time. Because even the most social cat may revert to solitary behavior when stressed, don’t rush things if you find yourself in this position. Provide the cat with a secure space to which it can retreat and allow it time to become accustomed to any new routines or environmental changes. Above all, don’t feel frustrated or guilty about your inability fulfill any cat-related rituals that the previous owner may have created. You can’t change what happened, and feeling frustrated or guilty will only undermine the message of confidence the cat needs from you at this time. Also, things we do out of frustration or guilt rather than based on solid knowledge of that animal’s behavioral and physical needs have a way of back-firing.
As mentioned in the discussion of dogs and owner loss, don’t excuse or dismiss feline medical or behavioral problems that arise following owner loss owner based on the fact that “Fluffy just misses her owner.” Owner loss is a stress and different animals handle stress in different ways. If you’re not sure what’s going on, get help from someone who does. And as you grieve for the loss of the cat’s owner yourself, don’t see your own behavior as the standard for the cat. Their superior sensory abilities permit them to live in a far different reality from ours, one in which our definitions of “here” and “gone” or “life” and “death” may have little meaning. While we all like the comfort that comes from believing that our pets share our feelings, we must also respect and accept that their ways of accepting loss may differ from our own, and seek to fulfill their needs as well as our own when owner loss occurs.
Regardless of the specific feline qualities that endear a particular cat to a particular person, human-feline relationships can be relatively intense. And because the more intense the relationship, the greater the pet’s sense of loss when separated from that person, it’s important to understand why and how this occurs.
In spite of the fact that many domestic cats can and do form quite complex social relationships with others, this doesn’t erase the fact that their physiology and behavior reflects the successful evolution of a small, solitary, nocturnal predator over thousands and thousands of years. Although we may choose to deny the presence of those roots for our own purposes, they nonetheless can and do affect how cats relate to us. Unlike social animals like wild dogs and wolves whose youngsters can count on the presence of supportive pack members throughout most their lives, small wildcat kittens must learn everything they need to survive before their mothers wean them. Whereas a collection of adults normally contributes to the care and education of wild dog and wolf pups, usually only the kittens’ mother performs these functions for them.
Because of this, kittens often come into our lives with a combination of seemingly insatiable curiosity and a desire to learn. Second, like their wild ancestors and cousins, the lessons they learn when young tend to be deeply entrenched and resistant to change. Confronted with this high-energy, fur-covered learning machine we, in turn, may come up with all kinds of games and rituals to channel all this potential, if for no other reason than to keep them from getting into trouble and/or driving us mad.
Unfortunately, while it’s almost a given that a pup will receive at least some kind of basic training and go on daily walks and car rides that serve to build the animal’s confidence, many times we don’t give building our house-bound feline friend’s confidence a second-thought.
Instead, we may become so captivated by this little ball of fur who finds so much of what we do so fascinating that it’s sometimes difficult not to yield to the temptation to create a little world that includes just the two of us.
For example, deliberately or unwittingly, some owners create relatively complex feeding rituals with their cats. Not only do these involve what they feed their pets, but how, when, and where. Although these may work very well for both owner and cat alike, what happens when that person is no longer around? Who will cut up Sergei’s food into the tiniest little pieces, warm them in the microwave just so, and serve them to him on his special plate placed in that special spot on the kitchen counter? If he’s lucky, his owner will have ensured that someone would do exactly that in her absence. If she didn’t, it may take his new owner months to figure out that the cat’s poor appetite results from how or where he’s being fed rather than what. If his new owner doesn’t, Sergei may never feel completely comfortable when he eats.
Other times cats suffer more when owner loss occurs because all their play was owner-dependent. Because Sparkle always played with her owner, she never gained the confidence-building and comfort that comes from learning to play by herself. When separated from that person, she had no way to comfort or amuse herself Worse, her future happiness may depend on her new owner’s willingness to duplicate the games she used to play with her owner. If her original owner didn’t make provisions for her that included describing any play rituals for a new or surviving owner, Sparkle will need to adjust to this as well as everything else.
When owners fail to make provisions, those who adopt or inherit their cats may need to figure out the cat’s needs by trial-and-error. And this takes time. Because even the most social cat may revert to solitary behavior when stressed, don’t rush things if you find yourself in this position. Provide the cat with a secure space to which it can retreat and allow it time to become accustomed to any new routines or environmental changes. Above all, don’t feel frustrated or guilty about your inability fulfill any cat-related rituals that the previous owner may have created. You can’t change what happened, and feeling frustrated or guilty will only undermine the message of confidence the cat needs from you at this time. Also, things we do out of frustration or guilt rather than based on solid knowledge of that animal’s behavioral and physical needs have a way of back-firing.
As mentioned in the discussion of dogs and owner loss, don’t excuse or dismiss feline medical or behavioral problems that arise following owner loss owner based on the fact that “Fluffy just misses her owner.” Owner loss is a stress and different animals handle stress in different ways. If you’re not sure what’s going on, get help from someone who does. And as you grieve for the loss of the cat’s owner yourself, don’t see your own behavior as the standard for the cat. Their superior sensory abilities permit them to live in a far different reality from ours, one in which our definitions of “here” and “gone” or “life” and “death” may have little meaning. While we all like the comfort that comes from believing that our pets share our feelings, we must also respect and accept that their ways of accepting loss may differ from our own, and seek to fulfill their needs as well as our own when owner loss occurs.