Several years ago, I wrote a commentary entitled “Animal Addiction: Too much of a good thing?” about wild animals who become addicted to naturally occurring substances, and companion animals who may engage in the repetitive behaviors as a means of alleviating stress to the point they consume most of the animal’s time. At the time I mentioned that the phrase “animal addiction” also might also be applied to those people overly-attached to their animals and animal-related activities. Although I made that connection more than 6 years ago, other topics intervened. However, a passing comment by a colleague caused me to recall this observation and inspired me to explore it further.
Let me begin by noting that this commentary isn’t about animal hoarding which is now recognized as a unique form of compulsive hoarding in the human medical literature. In this commentary I want to consider the effects an excessive emphasis on animals or animal-related activities may have on the person engaging in this behavior, their relationships with other people, and the animals themselves.
Now before you panic and think I’m talking about you, rest assured that many people experience a strong affinity with certain species of live, extinct, and even mythological animals. I personally feel a special kinship with river and sea otters. Others feel emotional connections to species as diverse as pandas, hummingbirds, bluebirds, and butterflies as well as the more common dogs, cats, horses, and donkeys. And people of all ages may be entranced by dinosaurs or unicorns and other extinct or mythical creatures.
Regardless whether we speak of species or individual animals, enough people share these special feelings that entire industries are devoted to creating and producing products extolling the virtues of particular species or breeds to meet their admirers’ needs. These products include a range of clothing from undergarments to winter coats and accessories such as handbags and hats, key-chains and jewelry, all bearing images of the chosen species or breed. Homes can be accessorized with paintings, prints and photographs, lampshades, pillows, throws, bedding, rugs, glasses, dishes and table linen; garden sculptures and weathervanes make it possible to carry the theme outdoors.
Accidental Pseudo-Addicts
I mentioned the commercial side of these more pronounced human relationships because its existence perpetuates a phenomenon that makes it easy to accuse another of having an excessive interest in a certain kind of animal or animal activity when that may not necessarily be the case. Consider what happened to a person I’ll uncreatively call Jane Doe when she got her beagle puppy. Her friends and family marked the occasion by giving her an assortment of gifts with pictures of beagles on them. Being a kind-hearted person, she felt obligated to wear or display these items prominently in her home in the small town where she lived so she wouldn’t appear rude or ungrateful. Unfortunately once she did that, the word got out that Jane loved all things beagle. Subsequently anyone who wanted or felt obligated to give her a gift to mark some occasion but didn’t know her well enough to know her actual preferences, gave her something beagle-specific. And because Jane also was a well-loved elementary school teacher, this included lots of beagle-themed holiday gifts from students and parents. The more such gifts she received, the more others assume that her love of beagles consumed a large portion of her life. Ten years later, Jane’s small house was so crammed with beagle paraphernalia that some began to question whether her attachment to beagles was detrimental to her mental health.
In reality, Jane loved all dogs as well as a wide variety of other living beings and only got a beagle because her cousin bred them and offered her a suitable puppy. Her only mental lapse occurred when she failed to reveal her true preferences in wardrobe and home furnishings in a tactful manner following the first batch of gifts. Making cheerful comments like, “I do adore my new puppy, but then I love all animals and have many other interests too,” would remind others of this. Similarly, maintaining a wardrobe and decorating her home in a manner that reflected this larger world view would send a message only the most oblivious could miss.
Now let’s look at some examples of individual animal or animal activity infatuation fueled by a conscious choice to do so more than a desire not to offend others.
Example I: When love-me-love-my-dog crosses the line
The Barringtons met at a dog show and their purebred Bernese mountain dog, Jake, is the love of their lives. From the beginning, they refuse to go anywhere without him because they can’t bear to be separated from him. This ultimately limits their social life because the spoiled dog flunks the well-behaved houseguest test, and their invitations dwindle as friends and relatives discover this from sad experiences. As Jake grows older, a series of breed- and stress-related medical problems befall him in addition to his behavioral ones and further consume his owners’ lives. What few people they haven’t already alienated with their insistence on dominating any conversations with descriptions of their wonderful dog flee when the couple bores them with details regarding Jake’s latest medical problem. Because they’re so engrossed with their dog, the Barringtons barely notice when family, co-workers, and friends experience the full spectrum of life-changing events during this same period.
In this situation, the Barringtons allow their relationship with Jake to become so all-consuming that they see everything and everyone else only as it relates to the dog. Because the difference between canine and human lifespan practically guarantees that we’ll outlive at least some of our animals, people who share this view often feel devastated when their animals die. But unlike those who experience a similar loss within the context of a more stable and balanced human-animal relationship and lifestyle, they have no support network of family members or friends to whom they can turn to help them through the grieving process. Sadly if this reinforces their belief that only a dog can give meaning to their lives, they may immediately get another dog on whom they impose this same process.
Example II: Extreme animal-related sports passion
Most of us recognize that there are compulsive gamblers who spend most of their time and money betting on horses or dogs who care nothing about the animals except for their ability to win races. That’s not who I’m talking about here. I’m talking about those whose lives revolve around a particular animal-related activity in which they actively engage to the exclusion of everything else. Every weekend they load up their vehicles with their animals and any necessary paraphernalia and head off to a show, match, meet, or race, and allow their animal-related activities to take precedence over those involving family or friends. References to their own and other dogs’ performance so dominate their jargon-rich conversation that someone unfamiliar with their passion might believe they speak a foreign language. While they and others within that same circle may refer to their great love of their animals, unlike the Barringtons in our previous example, these folks’ animals are secondary to the activity itself. Animals who can’t perform their specific function lose their value and in some cases may be given up or even euthanized.
A Double Bond Blow
When over-the-top animal or animal activity passion occurs within a household shared with those who don’t share that orientation, the fall-out may be particularly harsh. We’ve probably all heard people say that their spouses or partners care more about the dog/cat/horse, etc. than they do about them. When we know that those human relationships are solid and the statement was made in jest, we readily laugh. But when the comment has an edge, the urge to find an acceptable excuse to change the subject as fast as possible becomes a top priority.
A particularly tragic human-animal consequence may occur when there are also children in the household. Kids need quality attention in order to feel secure and if they believe that their parents care more about an animal or animal-related activity than them, the fall-out may be more severe than when such feelings involve an adult. No one likes to feel rejected, but it’s particularly painful for kids trying to figure out their places in our increasingly complex world.
What happens when people of any age resent being ignored or abandoned by an animal-infatuated other ultimately depends on the quality of the human-human bonds involved.
If a stable bond based on mutual trust exists, those of all ages will find the wherewithal to share their feelings of rejection and resentment with the animal-obsessed other. At the same time, the other person will be able to recognize how his or her own behavior helped contribute to those negative feelings. That same kind of bond will enable all those involved to come up with an acceptable way to address the problem.
Typically resolution involves a compromise of some sort. For example, weekend animal-related activities are alternated with family ones. Topics of conversation acknowledge the interests of all in the household. Some who previously avoided the animal or activity may become more willing to engage with the animal or in the activity once the human relationship is more equitable. Other times, the animal-oriented individual learns to accept that it’s unnecessary for others to share their interests to prove their love.
If the human relationship precludes that kind of communication, those playing second fiddle to the animal or activity may take out any negative feelings on the animal emotionally or physically. Simultaneously, those people may become the target of the animal-oriented person’s anger for doing so. Any way you look at it, this isn’t a good situation that may lead to animal or human abuse. In such situations, the help of a counselor or therapist is the way to go because the problem may not be related to the animal or the activity at all. Those may function merely as symbols of deeper human issues.
Sometimes when I write a commentary like this I feel Winnie the Pooh singing his “Little Black Rain Cloud” song as he tries to steal honey from the honey tree. While I’ll forever remain in awe of the power, resiliency and sweetness of a quality human-animal bond, knowledge and experience compel me to replace some of that all-positive glow with something more realistic.
If you have any comments regarding subject matter, favorite links, or anything you’d like to see discussed on or added to this site, please let me know at mm@mmilani.com.
Let me begin by noting that this commentary isn’t about animal hoarding which is now recognized as a unique form of compulsive hoarding in the human medical literature. In this commentary I want to consider the effects an excessive emphasis on animals or animal-related activities may have on the person engaging in this behavior, their relationships with other people, and the animals themselves.
Now before you panic and think I’m talking about you, rest assured that many people experience a strong affinity with certain species of live, extinct, and even mythological animals. I personally feel a special kinship with river and sea otters. Others feel emotional connections to species as diverse as pandas, hummingbirds, bluebirds, and butterflies as well as the more common dogs, cats, horses, and donkeys. And people of all ages may be entranced by dinosaurs or unicorns and other extinct or mythical creatures.
Regardless whether we speak of species or individual animals, enough people share these special feelings that entire industries are devoted to creating and producing products extolling the virtues of particular species or breeds to meet their admirers’ needs. These products include a range of clothing from undergarments to winter coats and accessories such as handbags and hats, key-chains and jewelry, all bearing images of the chosen species or breed. Homes can be accessorized with paintings, prints and photographs, lampshades, pillows, throws, bedding, rugs, glasses, dishes and table linen; garden sculptures and weathervanes make it possible to carry the theme outdoors.
Accidental Pseudo-Addicts
I mentioned the commercial side of these more pronounced human relationships because its existence perpetuates a phenomenon that makes it easy to accuse another of having an excessive interest in a certain kind of animal or animal activity when that may not necessarily be the case. Consider what happened to a person I’ll uncreatively call Jane Doe when she got her beagle puppy. Her friends and family marked the occasion by giving her an assortment of gifts with pictures of beagles on them. Being a kind-hearted person, she felt obligated to wear or display these items prominently in her home in the small town where she lived so she wouldn’t appear rude or ungrateful. Unfortunately once she did that, the word got out that Jane loved all things beagle. Subsequently anyone who wanted or felt obligated to give her a gift to mark some occasion but didn’t know her well enough to know her actual preferences, gave her something beagle-specific. And because Jane also was a well-loved elementary school teacher, this included lots of beagle-themed holiday gifts from students and parents. The more such gifts she received, the more others assume that her love of beagles consumed a large portion of her life. Ten years later, Jane’s small house was so crammed with beagle paraphernalia that some began to question whether her attachment to beagles was detrimental to her mental health.
In reality, Jane loved all dogs as well as a wide variety of other living beings and only got a beagle because her cousin bred them and offered her a suitable puppy. Her only mental lapse occurred when she failed to reveal her true preferences in wardrobe and home furnishings in a tactful manner following the first batch of gifts. Making cheerful comments like, “I do adore my new puppy, but then I love all animals and have many other interests too,” would remind others of this. Similarly, maintaining a wardrobe and decorating her home in a manner that reflected this larger world view would send a message only the most oblivious could miss.
Now let’s look at some examples of individual animal or animal activity infatuation fueled by a conscious choice to do so more than a desire not to offend others.
Example I: When love-me-love-my-dog crosses the line
The Barringtons met at a dog show and their purebred Bernese mountain dog, Jake, is the love of their lives. From the beginning, they refuse to go anywhere without him because they can’t bear to be separated from him. This ultimately limits their social life because the spoiled dog flunks the well-behaved houseguest test, and their invitations dwindle as friends and relatives discover this from sad experiences. As Jake grows older, a series of breed- and stress-related medical problems befall him in addition to his behavioral ones and further consume his owners’ lives. What few people they haven’t already alienated with their insistence on dominating any conversations with descriptions of their wonderful dog flee when the couple bores them with details regarding Jake’s latest medical problem. Because they’re so engrossed with their dog, the Barringtons barely notice when family, co-workers, and friends experience the full spectrum of life-changing events during this same period.
In this situation, the Barringtons allow their relationship with Jake to become so all-consuming that they see everything and everyone else only as it relates to the dog. Because the difference between canine and human lifespan practically guarantees that we’ll outlive at least some of our animals, people who share this view often feel devastated when their animals die. But unlike those who experience a similar loss within the context of a more stable and balanced human-animal relationship and lifestyle, they have no support network of family members or friends to whom they can turn to help them through the grieving process. Sadly if this reinforces their belief that only a dog can give meaning to their lives, they may immediately get another dog on whom they impose this same process.
Example II: Extreme animal-related sports passion
Most of us recognize that there are compulsive gamblers who spend most of their time and money betting on horses or dogs who care nothing about the animals except for their ability to win races. That’s not who I’m talking about here. I’m talking about those whose lives revolve around a particular animal-related activity in which they actively engage to the exclusion of everything else. Every weekend they load up their vehicles with their animals and any necessary paraphernalia and head off to a show, match, meet, or race, and allow their animal-related activities to take precedence over those involving family or friends. References to their own and other dogs’ performance so dominate their jargon-rich conversation that someone unfamiliar with their passion might believe they speak a foreign language. While they and others within that same circle may refer to their great love of their animals, unlike the Barringtons in our previous example, these folks’ animals are secondary to the activity itself. Animals who can’t perform their specific function lose their value and in some cases may be given up or even euthanized.
A Double Bond Blow
When over-the-top animal or animal activity passion occurs within a household shared with those who don’t share that orientation, the fall-out may be particularly harsh. We’ve probably all heard people say that their spouses or partners care more about the dog/cat/horse, etc. than they do about them. When we know that those human relationships are solid and the statement was made in jest, we readily laugh. But when the comment has an edge, the urge to find an acceptable excuse to change the subject as fast as possible becomes a top priority.
A particularly tragic human-animal consequence may occur when there are also children in the household. Kids need quality attention in order to feel secure and if they believe that their parents care more about an animal or animal-related activity than them, the fall-out may be more severe than when such feelings involve an adult. No one likes to feel rejected, but it’s particularly painful for kids trying to figure out their places in our increasingly complex world.
What happens when people of any age resent being ignored or abandoned by an animal-infatuated other ultimately depends on the quality of the human-human bonds involved.
If a stable bond based on mutual trust exists, those of all ages will find the wherewithal to share their feelings of rejection and resentment with the animal-obsessed other. At the same time, the other person will be able to recognize how his or her own behavior helped contribute to those negative feelings. That same kind of bond will enable all those involved to come up with an acceptable way to address the problem.
Typically resolution involves a compromise of some sort. For example, weekend animal-related activities are alternated with family ones. Topics of conversation acknowledge the interests of all in the household. Some who previously avoided the animal or activity may become more willing to engage with the animal or in the activity once the human relationship is more equitable. Other times, the animal-oriented individual learns to accept that it’s unnecessary for others to share their interests to prove their love.
If the human relationship precludes that kind of communication, those playing second fiddle to the animal or activity may take out any negative feelings on the animal emotionally or physically. Simultaneously, those people may become the target of the animal-oriented person’s anger for doing so. Any way you look at it, this isn’t a good situation that may lead to animal or human abuse. In such situations, the help of a counselor or therapist is the way to go because the problem may not be related to the animal or the activity at all. Those may function merely as symbols of deeper human issues.
Sometimes when I write a commentary like this I feel Winnie the Pooh singing his “Little Black Rain Cloud” song as he tries to steal honey from the honey tree. While I’ll forever remain in awe of the power, resiliency and sweetness of a quality human-animal bond, knowledge and experience compel me to replace some of that all-positive glow with something more realistic.
If you have any comments regarding subject matter, favorite links, or anything you’d like to see discussed on or added to this site, please let me know at mm@mmilani.com.