The Mature Woman’s Guide to Puppy-Training

House-training BeeBee has caused me to realize that there’s room for yet another dog-training book even with the gazillions already out there. I came to this conclusion when BeeBee started giving me her, “I have to go” look. The problem was that we were in my upstairs office and, call it sympathy pains or post-menopausal bladder, I suddenly realized that I really had to go, too. I immediately picked her up and carried her downstairs, fully intending to take her outside immediately.

Unfortunately, my bladder had other ideas. Even more unfortunately, I couldn’t recall a single training book that stated, “When faced with the choice of taking the puppy outside immediately or peeing your pants, you should always _____________.”

Lacking that valuable information, I ran into the bathroom, put BeeBee down, and prayed she had better sphincter control than I did. She did, but not much. As I watched helplessly from my enthroned position, she walked over the front door, momentarily looked over her shoulder and watched me peeing, then squatted and peed herself.

This reality definitely would be addressed in my Mature Woman’s Guide to Puppy-Training in the house-training chapter:

“Step One Mature women are advised to limit their fluid intake until the puppy is fully house-trained. Those already doing Kegel exercises should do more of them. Those who aren’t should start. This will help prevent both human and canine accidents. Like other animals, puppies learn by modeling. You do not want your puppy modeling his or her elimination behavior on someone with poor sphincter control.”